Homework Blues

       As I shuffled into the classroom, I knew that Mr. Van Camp would never believe me. I looked at my scuffed shoes and mumbled, " My homework is not done, Sir. I do have a good excuse though."

       " This is not the first time your homework has not been completed. Perhaps," Mr. Van Camp suggested, "it's time to speak with your parents."

       "Please, you have no idea what will happen to me if you phone my home," I moaned. It looked as if he was going to fall for my story.

      "Well, let's hear your excuse. It better be good."




"Well, you see," I began, nervously," I was on my way to school when, out of nowhere, a group of radioactive spider ninja's attacked my writing hand."





Mr Van Camp released an incredulous sigh, " Surely with all the time I've spent to imbue you with a sense of diction, you could've come up with, at the very least, a better way to word such a rediculously preposterous excuse."

With a smirk, I began to regale Van Camp with a tale of epic proportions," 'Twas' a dark and stormy lunch break, and with a sense of vile dread, I trudged through the overflowing, murky waters in the street to obtain a bastion of hope, AKA Tim Hortons. Gallivanting with a prideful step to mask my feeling of impending doom, I began to feel 32 eyes piercing through my flesh to the very core of my soul. They were on me. They only went for my right hand, the disguting abominations and that's wh..."

" Enough! I can not bear to hear more of such a horrible ordeal, you unfortunate boy. Of course you are excused from today's assignment... of course I will have to inspect such a wound caused by , what was it? Radioactive ninja spiders?"

"Oh yes" I stammered, abashed that I hadn't thought that he might wish to view evidence, " I will return in a second , after I have cleaned this truly horrendous spectacle of pus and ... Radioactive spiderness."

" I think that I can handle it. Aha! I've seen many radioactive spider bites in my life and this, my good sir, is not one! It is only red marker drawn in strange non asymetrical ovals."




I retorted instantly, " These are the bites of the Ovalus Fangicus Radioactivus Arachnus ninja clan, not your simple, ordinary radioactive spider ninja markings. They must have oval fangs so as to unleash a plethora of toxins into one's blood stream, namely in the veins of their right hands."




" I have heard of such a thing in tomes of ancient times beyond this world and the next. I believe such bravery in the face of horrendous adversaries merits an A for effort, and for being so incredible and exciting, you automatically get 100% on all of your future assignments. " Mr Van Camp said, entirely convinced of my tale, wrought with deceit and villainy.